


The Small Things — Jeongin’s Diary

by Straykisses



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Poem? - Freeform, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-14 19:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17514158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Straykisses/pseuds/Straykisses
Summary: I wish i could be free.





	1. Chapter 1

**January 22**

I wish i could be free.

Free or emotionless. 

I wish i could go away. 

Far far away. 

A place where i can’t be seen, or a place i can’t feel. 

Thats where i want to go. 

I wish i could be free, to a place where i can go away. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today, i felt free

**January 23**

 

Today was better than the last. 

More fun than the previous. 

Today my smiles were real. 

Today my smiles were pure. 

 

No mask like yesterday. 

No pain like yesterday. 

 

I smiled without hesitation. 

I felt no pain like the last. 

 

Today i felt free. 

 

Maybe tomorrow will be the same. 

Maybe one day i’ll stop feeling this way. 


	3. Chapter 3

**January 25**

Hero. Hero. 

I wanna be your hero. 

Thats all i can think. 

Hero. Hero. 

I wanna be your hero. 

But how can i be your hero,

when i cant even save myself. 

 

Love.

Thats what i want.  

Anger. 

Thats what i hate

Sadness. 

Is that what i am?

Hope.

That’s what i feel.

 

How can i be your hero?

I’m not a hero.

Just another boy. 

I’m not a hero. 

Just another hopeless one. 

I’m not a hero....

I’m not a hero


	4. Chapter 4

**31 January 2019**

 

Wind Flower, oh my Wind Flower.

With the wind you disappeared. 

The happiness i once had, gone. 

The regrets i once had, home. 

Too familiar, they are too familiar.

It gets harder to fight. 

It gets harder to hope. 

So i’ll try.

And i’ll try. 

And I’d say ‘but in the end’, 

But we all know

There is no end


	5. Chapter 5

Bored? Is that how i feel?

Stressed? Is that how i feel?

Exhausted? Maybe.

Actually, it’s probably all. 

The pressure hurts. 

I’m being squeezed to a pulp. 

Every last drop, drained out. 

They want my all.

Well... Everything runs out.

They’ll take my all. 

And they’ll take my all with the rest of me. 


	6. Chapter 6

I think i feel joy

In all honesty, maybe i loving myself. 

I can feel it coming. 

The hate is dissipating. 

I look at myself and i say “hot.” 

I look at myself and say “treat yourself.” 

I look at myself and say “you look good.”

This is it. 

I think it’s coming. 

Finally i’ll feel happy. 

Finally i’ll be free of pain. 

Maybe i don’t need to hurt

And maybe all i need is love. 


	7. Chapter 7

**March 30**

Its been 3 weeks 

This feeling feels free

Its been 3 weeks 

This home feels home

Its been 3 weeks 

This voice feels empty

Its been 3 weeks 

This hate feels hateless 

Its been 3 weeks 

This hope feels hopeful

Its been 3 weeks 

...

This feels so free


	8. Better

**April 23**

 

Better. 

What the fuck kind of word is that? 

You know what it is? A load of bullshit.

 

Better. 

Used to describe someone who’s healing.

What the fuck kind of word is that?

 

Better. 

I thought maybe i could use that to describe me.

You know what it is? A load of bullshit. 

 

Better. 

I’m not better. 

I thought i was better. 

I’m worse. 

I’m... sad. 

I need a break. 

I’m tired. 

 

Hope? 

What the fuck kind of word is that? 

You know what it is? A load of bullshit. 

 

Hope? 

All that’s ever done to it is thrown away. 

What the fuck kind of word is that?

 

Hope? 

I give up on hope. 

Because you know what it is? A load of bullshit. 

 

Goodbye.

Why must it cause so much pain?

What the fuck kind of word is that. 

 

Goodbye. 

It hurts everyone on both ends. 

You know what it is? A load of bullshit. 

 

Goodbye. 

Is something i’m not saying. 

I’ll be back. 

 

Goodbye. 

I’m not better. 

I don’t have hope. 

I’m just saying goodbye. 

 

Sorry. 

What the fuck kind of word is that?

You know what it is? A load of bullshit. 

 

Sorry.

What the fuck kind of word is that?

You know what it is? What i’m saying to you. 

 

I’m sorry. I need some time. I’ll be back... but not soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you.


	9. Chapter 9

**April 29**

 

 

All i am is manipulative. 

All i am is a fuck up. 

Flowers need sunshine.

Flowers need water. 

Fuck i cant even write. 

i don’t know what i’m doing trying to act like i know what i’m doing

i’m so tired of these voices

i just want to be alone but i dont

i hate being alone but i crave it

i need others but i can’t stand them

 just want some help

im scared

 

fuck


	10. Homophobe

**26 May**

 

 

Homophobes are assholes

The largest fucking gapping shit filled assholes

theyre the worst type of people

 

Gays are sins they cry

The LGBT corrupt they preach 

The gays deserve to burn

 

Encounters are painful 

“You’re disgusting”

They must insult 

“Suck my dick” 

They must say 

“A sin”

They must label

 

The true sins are the homophobes

The true evil are those who hate

 

Love isn’t hate

Hate isn’t love

 

Homphobes are assholes

The biggest fucking assholes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m pissed


	11. Chapter 11

Clouds like to crowd

Emotions equal destruction

Communication isn’t reciprocation

 

Anxiety strikes and the world falls

Becoming close to giving up

All emotions can do to you

 

Losing one’s you cared so much for

Thrown away like trash

Maybe bin was all i was used for

 

It all hurts too much 

All i want is the past

All i want...


End file.
